Wednesday, October 24, 2012

The Last

The Last by Wong Fu Productions  
This video made me question who my five were; who, what, when, where and why. The five that has shaped my life. 

Who - A 
The only reason I met A was coz he used to be my nephew's friend and I was attending my nephew's graduation in Sydney. Sometimes I wish I didn't meet him but then again, I do not regret it coz we all learn from our past experiences. I thought we felt something for each other and I guess for that brief moment we did. For me, I guess I got caught up in the things that he said, things that I wanted to believe were real but time slowly showed that they weren't. I was fantasizing over the idea of the fairytale that I have always wanted to believe in but over the years, life has shown me that you are in charge of your own fairytale. He was a good guy but he didn't have his priorities in order and he was not mature enough, and from what I know, still hasn't quite matured yet.

What - E
E, will always be an old friend to me. I think we both knew from the start there was something between us, we got very close as friends but we never took it to the next level. We were almost perfect for each other, we understood each other really well and we don't even need to finish our sentences to know what we are both talking about but the timing was never right - when he was in a relationship, I was single and vice-versa. At one stage, we actually got mad at each other for reasons (of the heart, I presume) but we found each other again and things were good. We eventually accepted that we were never going to be and since then, we are still the closest of friends - E is my soulmate in a friend's way.  I remember E actually asking me to move to Singapore with him, he made it out to sound like it was a serious question as well as half a joke - when I think back on that, I wished I had said yes at that time but that would have been a crazy move on my behalf. I guess in the end, we all end up where we are supposed to be, the way that God has planned for us.

When - F
My first ever boyfriend, someone I knew from church and he was a great guy. We were together for 3 months +. He was like my first puppy love. Even after I called it quits with him, a year later he still wanted me back but I said no. I must admit that I let a great guy go because there was nothing wrong with him but I was young and I was naive about the decisions that I made.

Where - Y
I never really had a thing for Y back in primary school coz he was the short guy in the group. Fast forward a few years and when growth spurts, here is this guy who has evolved from an ugly duckling to a beautiful swan. Yet, he is soft spoken and treats women with respect - I have his father to thank for this. Few years back when I was in Malaysia, we started hanging out and there was a "moment". I thought it was just one of those "in the moment" things since I was on holidays and enjoying myself but when I was back again at the start of this year, there it was again. But we both know that it was never going to happen, I was in Australia and he was in Malaysia, it would have never worked out but we cherished the times that we spent together because those were our memories. I would never move back to Malaysia and even if I attempted to, my mother would come at me with a cleaver before I can even step foot out of the house. 

Why - S
S is my bestest and closest friend. One of the first friends that I made when I start high school in Australia. We understand each other really well, we know how we want to experience both the good and the bad, to give and receive and most of all, to love and to be loved in return.

The above people have made a significant impact on my life in one way or another. I am sure there are many others out there that have done the same. These experiences have allowed me to grow up, allowed me to know the things I want in life from the things I don't want and lastly, to love the right people and invest time in them, what they deserve.

I guess now the question is...who is the last?

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

dreams dream dreaming dreamt

Most of the time, I like to dream when I am sleeping but this morning was a different story. I woke up feeling really yucky and the boyfriend asked if I had a bad sleep but it wasn't, I slept through the night. Before getting ready for work, I sat on the bed for a bit trying to remember what I had dreamt about...I remembered only two of the dreams.

I didn't really understand what my dreams meant so I went on google (like every other person in the world who wants an answer).

1. white hair
I dreamt that my hair was really really short and I had white hair all over. I would consider this a nightmare as I do not plan for my white hairs to start sprouting until I am at least over 40-45. At dream moods (, it said...

To dream that your hair is white or turns white indicates that something important has just been made aware to you. It is a symbol of wisdom and insight. The dream may also be a metaphor suggesting that you are feeling "light-headed".

I would like to take my dream of having white hair as a symbol of wisdom and insight but I am also feeling a bit "light-headed" from the disturbing dreams.

2. stepping on doggy poo
I dreamt that I was at a park with the boyfriend and we stopped to talk for a bit and he said that I stepped on dog poo. I strolled to the next patch of grass and proceeded to get the dog poo off my shoes. I have not a clue what this meant but the only meaning I could find online that made sense was...

There is something in your life that you keep running into and it's annoying and frustrating you. No matter how hard you try, it keep coming back.

If my dream was to do with the above, I have a rough idea of what it is and I am seriously over it always showing up. It's been hard but I am walking away from that turd and it's droppings.

It's only 11:02am and I am feeling extremely exhausted at work. Thus making it not a very productive day at work.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

"It is a risk to love. What if it doesn't work out? Ah, but what if it does." - Peter McWilliams

the overthinker

When I fail to put how I am feeling or what I am thinking into words, I can always rely on E to do it for me.

"those who know me well would know I overthink every single thing. by nature, when I think hard about something  I pick at it every waking moment. I don't just spend an hour  or so considering it; I would be thinking hard and obsessed with it while I eat, while I interact with people, while I read or watch tv, and a long time before sleep overtakes me which also explains why when I get into one of those moods, people find it hard to be around me because I can get so depressively melancholic about it".

I can relate to a lot of the things that E writes, it's like I am standing in my own shoes. Somehow we understand each other quite well which is great coz sometimes, you'll always find yourself needing a friend like that.
"people say love is the best feeling but I think finding a toilet when you are having diarrhoea is better".

Friday, July 13, 2012

guilty pleasure, maybe another two?

50 Shades of Grey, what can I say? It was not what I was expecting. At first, I did not quite understand the hype that surrounded this particular book - part 1 of a trilogy. And I was not curious enough to google it.

Unfortunately, Kmart decided to sell it for $10 and I could not see the harm in picking this book up even though it did say at the back of it in small print, erotic romance. 

I decided to start on the book yesterday and oh my, Christian Grey. I'm already up to chapter 12 and also, secretly reading it during work hours because I can't put the darn thing down. I finally understand all the stuff that has been posted on Pinterest in regards to this attractive man. I can only imagine who they will cast as the leading actor for this - Matt Bomer would be perfect.

That's my two cents so far on this book, let's see how long it takes me to finish it.